This is the craziest thing I have ever done. Don't get me wrong. I love adventure! I live for it. But to think I am about to change my entire life for the thrill of a new adventure is a little nuts, right?
When I say I love adventure, I mean a few different things. First, I love doing things I have never done before. Both big and small. Second, I love traveling to new places. Both exotic and quaint. But to me, real adventure is having a plan but not knowing how it will play out. Most likely, if it is a true adventure, it won't turn out the way it was written. Real adventure is all about learning how to improvise. It teaches you to think on your feet, and to find the joy and laughter in the sometimes crazy and hectic moment. I believe that we experience little adventures everyday of our lives. Sadly they are misinterpreted as disruptions or annoyances in our carefully planned out days.
I am moving to Utah. Well, that is the plan.
I have lived in Southern California my entire life and would never trade any part of it. I love it here! I have always said it is the perfect place to live because here you are at most two hours away from anything. Mountains, beach, desert, Disneyland, L.A, the Missions, and so many other places. But I have always felt that I do not belong here. I know that sounds crazy. But sometimes, in my experience, it is the craziest of ideas and thoughts that end up happening to us. I can't explain it. All I know is that is how I have always felt. It is the same feeling I had about ten years ago. I was sitting in the lobby of my Institute of Religion building across the street from Fullerton College. I was there with my cousins and friends sitting and talking. I was eighteen years old. The topic of conversation was dating. Quite common. All of a sudden, when others in the group were talking about their dates and how they envisioned their future, with careers and marriages and families, I knew that was not going to be me. Eventually I'm sure, but not in the conventional timeline for a mormon girl.
Turns out I was right. Ten years later still not married(don't worry, I have my cats) and still trying to figure out my career. Anyways, that same feeling of just knowing is what I have when I think about staying in SoCal. I just know it is not where I am meant to be.
A few years ago, well five to be exact, I had a little thought as I was house/dog sitting. One night, as I was playing solitaire on the computer, I thought, "I wonder what it would be like to move to Georgia?". My mother's brother lives there with his wife and two children. We had visited before when I was sixteen and loved it! We spent a day on the lake, went to a Brave's game, traveled to Alabama to visit Stone Mountain and a few other random things. But it was this first thought that had my gears turning in my head as to what it would be like.
I day dream. A lot. In fact, I remember I was in fifth grade and my mom mentioned to me that my teacher, Mr. Grober, said that I zone out a lot in class. But what can I say? How else was I going to get through a long day of learning about the American Revolution or how to do long division? Today I love learning, but not when I was younger. Sometimes I wish as adults we could travel back in time to our younger selves and tell us to pay attention. Sometimes I really think that youth is wasted on the young. ANYWAYS... after that night, I didn't think about Georgia for another three years.
Fast forward to three years and now we are sitting in my parents living room that we often call the "green room" because of the color of the walls. In my parents house, this is the room where things get done. Many a family meetings have been held here where attitudes are checked, chores and assignments are made, and relationships grow. What I remember is my mom fiddling with something new she just purchased for the room and I sitting on the couch. Our family had been talking quite a bit about our next family vacation to Georgia. This was to happen the following summer. It was in this moment of talking with my mom about our plans for the trip that my mind reverted back to the thought three years prior about moving to Georgia. I said it out loud and as I talked with my mom about it, I was getting so excited I wanted to move right then and there! Ever since that day, there has not been one day that has passed that I don't think about moving.
That whole year I prepared myself to "test" out Georgia when we were to visit. When we were there, I imagined myself living and working there. I loved my pretend life! I was able to talk to my aunt's friends and make connections with people. But when I returned home, I did not feel right about it. Not that it should not happen, but that the timing was off. And I am learning that timing is everything. So I dropped it for the time being. Put my focus and energy into things that were happening in reality with the people that I love.
Although I did think about it everyday.
During this time I was released from a position I held in my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, as Relief Society president and called to be a seminary teacher. I held my calling as president for almost three years. That is an unusually long time to serve in that position, but not unheard of. People would often drop their jaws when they heard how long, but truth be told, I loved it. Being able to serve the Lord and those around me in that capacity taught me so much I needed to know and created relationships with people I would not have thought about in that way. And my call to be seminary teacher... that came from left, left, LEFT field. But I accepted, even though I knew all the reasons why I did not qualify for such a position. But when the Lord calls, you answer.
This is where things really start to heat up.
It was a week into my new call as a seminary teacher when my mother and I went to lunch. I had not been happy for a long time. I was not sad or miserable, but I was not happy. I felt lost and extremely confused. I wanted to know if my new calling in church was a sign that I in fact need to stay in California, to stop all the day dreaming. We went to Dicks Barbeque. Pretty good. Nothing special. I had the pulled pork sandwich with their homemade rolls. Mmm. I love how the butter just melts off the rolls. As we were eating, out of the blue, my mom asked why I was sad. Of course I tried to hide it by telling her she was weird for assuming I was not happy. I thought I was doing a pretty good job at keeping face. You know what I mean. Not wanting others to always ask questions that you don't know the answers to like, "what's new with you?", or "so you dating anyone?", or "what's next in life?". And then when you don't give them concrete answers, they begin to worry about you. But leave it to the moms of the world who read their children like a book. As I was trying to answer in such a way that would not lead to other questions, I began to cry. Well there goes the plan to just play it cool. Good job, Tiffany. Break down during lunch hour in the middle of a restaurant. But turns out, that is exactly what I needed. What I realized was that in all my prayers and time I meditated and pondered about the decision to move, I was waiting for the Lord to give me a big sign. One where I knew He was saying, "make this choice" or "do this". Turns out, that is not how it happens. Not for me anyways. We talked for about an hour and when we were through, something happened inside me. Thinking about moving is a scary thought. So many things can go wrong. But what I was failing to see was that so many things can go right. I have nothing holding me back. And if I fail, its not like I'll be homeless. I believe a person fails only when they don't try to learn from their experiences. I also believe there is reason to everything. God is in charge. Of course we don't see things the way He does. HE IS GOD! He thinks and works on a completely different level than we do. We are here on earth to learn. To learn who He is and how He is. And that takes time.
So here I am, red eyes with a runny nose now in the parking lot, and a new perspective on my life. I was ready to start asking the right questions. Like I said, I was wanting and expecting God to give me some sort of a sign that I should move. I would pray and confess that I would be willing to do anything. "Just tell me what that is!" I thought if I could honestly say that, and I was honest, than my will will turn into His will for me. But I was wrong. The thing I needed to do was to just make a descicion.
As human beings we have been blessed with a mind of our own. It is one of the things that seperates us from the animals. We have imagination. We need to learn how to use it. If we are always waiting for someone to show us every little step of the way before we take our first step, we learn nothing. Another purpose of this earth life is to teach us how to become like Christ. To learn of Him and how He works.
So I decided I was going to move forward with the plan to move to Georgia. I contacted the Branch President in the area I would be living in to see what the single scene was like out there. Turns out from what he told me, not much different than at home. I told him what I did as a living and he was able to give me some names to contact for more info on where to find a job. That was a big help. One of the contacts was a hygeinest who was able to give me info about a medical website. You upload your resume and send it out to offices you seem interested in. I have done things like that in the past, but never any luck. But I wanted to do everything I could so if it did not work out, I can say because "it was not meant to be" rather than "I should have tried harder". That is my biggest fear. Regret.
As it turns out, I received two call backs out of the three offices I sent my reusme to. I was surprised. Unfortunately I was not quite ready to make the move. I still had commitments to fulfill at home. But it was good to know that people wanted me. So I held off on the job search and continued to ponder. Looking back on my life, even just with the past 6 years, I am able to see the way the Lord works with me. The way my prayers, both said and unsaid, have been answered. The answers to my prayers and thoughts are NEVER what I expected. I have learned that it is never my plan for one of two reasons. Either I am ignoring the counsel and guidance given to me from the Lord through my leaders, family and friends, or I AM following the counsel of the Lord. If I am not being sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I am forced, by my own action, to plan and work alone, without the knowledge and wisdom of Christ. When I do follow my promptings, I am guided to the right way. The Lord wants me to make a plan myself, go to Him in counsel and discuss it, and if I feel right about it, go for it. So for me, I use my imagination, make a plan, counsel with the Lord, then make a choice. But it is right before that choice of mine will take effect, another plan or idea comes along that is so out of the blue and random. I think about it and realize it is way better than I could have ever come up with on my own and decide to re-route to this new plan. It is only AFTER we do all we can that the Lord sees we need His guidance and He comes in and changes things. As humans we cannot be perfect and often times we make mistakes. My original plan was flawed in ways I did not see before. But because God is God, He sees all at once, therefore making Him the PERFECT guide because He sees things I cannot. Remember, He works on a completely different level than we do.
So, as I have been waiting for time to pass so I can put more energy and time into finding employment in Georgia, I was telling my friends and family that I am actually not going to move to Georgia. I said, "If I know how the Lord works with me in my life, and I do, than He is going to come up with a plan even greater than mine. Something I could not find or think of on my own". As it turns out, I was right. My family and I traveled to Idaho and Utah this summer to pick my brother up from BYU-I and to visit family. We were visiting with my dad's cousin and his family, Mark Clifford. One night he and my parents were talking about each others family and my name came up. They talked of my plans to move and what I was going to do to support myself. Mark interrupted to say that he knows a guy who happens to be his brother-in-law who is opening an office in Park City this fall and is need of staff. When he told me this the next day, I was appreciative that he would be willing to help me out by getting in contact with the Dr, but I did not take it too seriously. I was so excited about the idea of Georgia, living in the South, maybe finding a good southern boy(haha) and listening to country music all day long without it being weird. However, when I got home and mentioned the idea to a few people, they were so excited about it. I was surprised. So naturally I HAD to think about it. And as I made my pro/con list about Utah and Georgia, Utah had so many more pros than cons and WAY more than Georgia! The next day I called my dad's cousin and he gave me the contact info I needed. The next day after that I called the Dr. and we talked for an hour about where to live, what kind of office he is opening, and what it would be like to work for him.
The Lord really does know us much better than we give Him credit for.
I can name less than a handful of talents I have that I feel come naturally. Everything else I have to work so hard for. Like many people, I am sure, but for me I know I have to work hard. One of those few things is the gift of being able to be with kids. Kids and I, we just get each other. I have been told that I can communicate with them in such a way that their own parent cannot. I am able to have fun but still be authoritative. Often times I would become upset that this is the one thing I am most comfortable with.
I am single. And although guys say they love a girl who loves children, when you, the girl, say that you love children and that that is your talent, and you say it when you first meet, the guy typically assumes you want to start a family with him of 6 kids right away. So naturally you never see him again. And I wouldn't blame him. Personally I think that seeing if a person is good with kids and certain other things takes time. And in the dating world, your first interaction is just as important as making your first few lines of your resume stand out. It's no secret. We all know employers take only a second or two to look at a resume before deciding if they want to spend time on you in an interview. Sometimes I feel the dating world is similar. Your talents, or resume, is what gets you your first impression. If nothing is there, the person is going to want to spend their valuable time with someone else. Someone that excites them. I get it. I do the same thing. We all do. This is just reality. Now don't get me wrong. I am not completely faithless and hopeless in this area. Like I said. Timing is everything. And I really do believe that every pot has a lid. But I feel as though the guy wants to know, "can you sing or play the piano?" "Can you cook or sew?" These are great and all, but for me I can't really do any of them. Remember when I said I have to work really hard just to be mediocre? I dabble a little here and there with cooking and sewing and playing the piano, but nothing more than just barely. So when the same guy meets a girl who CAN do one or more of those things, he moves on to her.
Whatever.
I guess you can say I am used to it. I actually laugh at all of it know. Which is a good thing, I guess. Right? Haha. Anyways, I know I have talents, gifts, and skills, but when it comes to getting to know people, the things that I possess do not have the ability to steal the attention away from someone else to say, "Hey! Look at me!".
So to finally say that my "one" talent I have which is being able to be with children will finally be the thing that puts ME on top over someone else is gratifying. I know this makes me sound, well, not the greatest but it is how I feel. The office I could be working for will be a pediatric office with a focus on special needs children. This is so me! For years I have been wanting to work in a pediatric office, but have not done any real searching to find one. And here the Lord pretty much just drops it in my hands. He really does know us.
I had my phone interview last week! I was told by the Dr. that the consultant will be calling me about their timeline, but for some reason was not expecting an interview. I feel really confident about the interview. And I have faith that all will work out in due time. Who knows. It might not be Utah after all. But because I love the Lord and have faith in Him and of Him, I will not be misguided or left alone.
Obedience to the commandments brings peace.
There are still many questions as to how everything will work out and a lot of fears. A lot. But that is life. President Monson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, once said to NEVER take counsel from your fears. Much easier said than done.
The exciting thing about life are all the little unexpected adventures. They make for a good story.
Who wants to read a story where everything is predictable?
