Like most people, I have received many moments of inspiration while taking in the overwhelming beauty nature offers. It has been during these drives to and from work I have learned to enjoy life again. Many moments filled with thankfulness and gratitude.
I think the greatest lesson I learned this year is that life is unfair.
Growing up it's something many of us can remember hearing our parents tell us often. "Life isn't fair. Get used to it".
I believe they were right. But not for the same reasons. Life is not fair. Think of the time you may have cheated on a school test but got away with it. Maybe even passed. Or all those times you rationalized speeding on the road but you were never pulled over. Maybe you have said a few choice words to a good friend or a family member but you worked through those differences and your relationship is now stronger than before. Maybe you are a hard- working single parent who can barely make ends meet. But they always seem to meet.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I like to think the reason for this is because of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Nothing is permanent during this earth life. Circumstances can change. And better yet, people can change.
The Savior suffered the most harrowing pain ever experienced by man. Non of which He deserved. He was homeless and friendless. His life was truly unfair. But because He loves us He CHOSE to die not only for our sins but for our weaknesses, sicknesses, and failures. The consequence of His choice is that we don't have to suffer as He did.
I have realized if life were really fair, it would not be what we think.
The hard truth is that we make choices. The life you have now is due to a progressive series of choices YOU have made. It may be easy to blame others for your situation, but ultimately, it is your doing. In the year and a half I have been in Utah, I have felt like a product of circumstance. I felt forced to make decisions I did not feel ready to make. As if the choice to chose was taken from me. I could not see at the time, but the Lord was offering me a different road; a road I would eventually love. Every choice you and I make yields a consequence that is equal to the choice made. Some consequences we experience are positive while others are negative. Without the atonement of Christ, we could not have hope for a better future. Without the atonement of Christ, the life you are currently experiencing will never change. If you live a life of luxury, your pride can make you blind to your weaknesses. You cannot see how much more you can grow as a person. You become stagnant. If you live a destitute life, you cannot have the hope to keep trying. Your only choice would be to give up.
Because of the atonement, we have been given an infinite amount of do-overs.
My last blog post was over a year ago. I have been waiting for things to turn around in a way worth talking about. I want to be able to write and share that things do get better with persistence and faith. But here I am in the same situation I have been in since the beginning.
The biggest motivator for me when I made the choice to move to Utah was I wanted to face new challenges. I became too complacent and content where I was in life. Sometimes I feel I should buy a lottery ticket because I hit the jackpot with receiving new challenges.
I have fallen into the mindset of a very pessimistic, faithless, hopeless person who has less and less energy and desire to keep on trying. Every effort has been accompanied with a failure. I could go into detail of the events of the last year and a half, but I will spare you. I understand very well that not one human being can be immune to a challenging life. And there are many people whose lives I am grateful I don't have. However, knowing this does not ease the pain of feeling like a failure.
I used to wonder why God allows good people to suffer as much as they do. In the church are we not taught if you keep the faith and have hope then all will be well? Are we not also taught that if you make a good choice, then good consequences will follow? Unfortunately not all of life is this black or white. For a lot of people, all they ever do is their best but still come short of success. The second greatest lesson I am still learning is that you obey the commandments not because you are promised blessings, but because you love the Savior. So, doing good is not a free ride to a happy, successful life. In fact, I believe it offers just the opposite.
When things first started to look real dim for me, I turned to the scriptures. I was house-sitting one weekend and found myself alone with my thoughts. I was overcome with fear and pressure. I didn't know what I should do to calm myself. I guess it was out of instinct, but I grabbed my Book of Mormon and said a little prayer before I started reading. Heavenly Father definitely heard my prayer and knew exactly what I needed to help me move on. I was reading in the book of Mosiah, the 23rd chapter. I read verses 21-22 and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember this being the first time the Lord whispered to me that the fears I have will not go away easily. That it is meant for me to experience these trials right now so I can improve myself. It reads,
"Nevertheless, the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith. Nevertheless-whosoever putteth his trust in him the same shall be lifted up at the last day. Yea, and thus it was with this people".
To me, this scripture is talking about the love the Lord has for us. The Lord chastens those He loves so we can have the opportunity to make difficult but correct choices that will ultimately make us more like Him. The Lord loves those who obey His commandments. So the reason bad things always happen to good people? Simple. The Lord loves us. That is why He allows it to happen.
I had grand visions of myself living a life of luxury. The plan I made for myself was brilliant. Not one part of that plan has come true. I have learned it is because the Lord knew it was not perfect and slowly but surely and very painfully, He is helping me to perfect my plan.
I am also gaining a real testimony of the purpose of this life. It is meant for me and for you to combat Satan in his many forms and varieties. Whether it be through addictions, cancer, abuse, self inadequacy, mental issues, or any other temptations you can think of. Mosiah 23:21-22 reminds me that the Lord has so much trust in me to make the correct choices in behavior and action that He allows for me to suffer.
There is so much more that can be added to this, but I wanted to testify to you that everything about life is because of the atonement. We experience trials so we can rely on the Savior and His atoning sacrifice to help us change. We are allowed to experience real happiness and love right now through forgiveness because the Savior died for our sins.
Life isn't fair. And that is because of the atonement.
