Would you get in the boat?

"And it came to pass that the Lord
God caused that there should be a
furious wind blow upon the face of
the waters, towards the promised
land; and thus they were tossed
upon the waves of the sea before the
wind."

Is part of our problem for finding happiness and peace that we forget we have to experience failure and sorrow?

 I am learning more and more that I am a perfectionist. I do not pride myself on this, for it has proven to be quite burdensome. I know it is impossible to achieve perfection in this world, yet I allow myself to become hurt and even annoyed when a part of life does not work out. My parents would quickly admit that this was not how I was growing up. I'm sure they worried that I would never take anything seriously or that I would permanently adopt the phrase, "Oh well. It will all work out somehow." For example, I recently went through a few of my baby boxes while home for the holidays. As I was rummaging through the many papers and mediocre artwork, I came across my report cards. I was surprised to see the similar remarks my teachers shared. Apparently, I did a lot of day dreaming. I found it a challenge to focus long enough to complete an assignment. I don't remember having this problem, but then again that does make sense since I obviously never listened. When I got my first cell phone, I never had it with me. I lost it multiple times and at one point, I could not access my voicemail because I forgot the password. I used to not care how much money I had (or did not have) in my bank account. I became quite the procrastinator with school work and other responsibilities. Fast forward to today and I would die of a heart attack living in so much chaos. But at some point in my life, I changed. You could say I matured. Almost to a fault. As a perfectionist, I take everything so seriously, and I plan for every possible outcome of an event. This type of meticulous planning causes me to feel entitled to the result I want. Because I worked so tirelessly to put into place a course of action, I often assume there is no other choice but for it to work out.
 I know I have said it before, but living in Utah has caused a lot of pain, sorrow, and confusion in my life. NONE of my plans worked out. I was forced to improvise to the point of exhaustion. I was not comfortable living in utter darkness. For the first time ever, I lost faith in God and in my testimony. I questioned everything I ever believed. I found myself experiencing empathy for Joseph Smith when he uttered those heartbreaking words, "Oh God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?"
I choose to believe that although this was a challenging time for me, the Lord prepared me when he called me to be a seminary teacher. This call was a shock to my system, but nevertheless, I accepted the assignment, and for three months, I studied, prayed, planned lessons, and became familiar with the stories in the Book of Mormon. During the dark days in Utah, I remembered reading the story of the Brother of Jared. In short, he lived in a wicked world and prayed to the Lord to be saved along with his family. He was told to leave his land into the wilderness and eventually was inspired to build vessels to travel across the ocean to their promised land. There are so many lessons to be learned from the Brother of Jared, but the lesson about the ships on the water is most memorable for me. The Lord promises the people that if they follow his exact directions on how to build the barges, and to prepare carefully for food and drink, they would be able to travel across the ocean and arrive safely in the promised land. But there was a problem with the architecture of the boats; there was no sail or rowing capabilities. The Lord instructed them to build the vessels "tight like unto a dish", unable to see what was happening on the outside. So how did they navigate through the waters?
"And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind."
Other than stones that were given light by the literal hand of God, the Brother of Jared and his people were unable to witness what was going on, therefore, unable to do anything themselves to try and control the situation. The story continues, "And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind." Can you imagine being in this situation!? Not many of us can survive in small, dark, confined spaces, let alone while traveling through monstrous storms on the open seas. The lesson to be had here is that when we follow the Lord's direction, the only thing we can do is have faith. Unfortunately,  a side effect of choosing to live in faith is the feeling of living in darkness. Not total darkness, however. Just enough light to see where our next step will lead, but not enough light to see the entire path.
What I love about this particular story is that the only way their ships could "sail" was from the wind of the tempests. I don't believe the Lord is magic; he cannot do something without reason. I also believe the Lord uses what we know. In other words, He could not direct the ships on the water without there being a way for them to do so. He made the terrible tempests occur in order for the ships to sail across the waters.
How is this relateable to our lives?
Life cannot be simple. If it were simple, we would have no need for the gospel or Christ and His Atonement. And without the need of either of these things, we would not be able to live with Heavely Father. We could not reach our fullest potential. So remember the next time you are feeling as though you are being tossed and turned on the waves of the ocean that it is Heavenly Father who is guiding you. Remember if you feel a lack of direction, that you are headed to the promised land.

If you knew this would be the outcome of your voyage, would you still get in the boat? 

"Have ye any sick that are among you?"

Tonight I realized something about myself I didn't even know was a concern.

It all started a few days back. On Mother's Day to be exact.
A friend of mine invited me to her home for Mother's Day dinner since I don't have any family here to celebrate with in Utah. I drove to her home in Alpine and was greeted by her two energetic dogs, and her mom and dad. After just a few moments of being there, my friend went downstairs to get something. When she came back up, she handed me a small gift bag and explained to me it is my belated birthday gift. She is so good at getting gifts for people, she puts me to shame! I opened it up and found a pair of sunglasses, some candy, a quote block with the saying, "The best views come after the hardest climb", and a c.d.

The c.d is actually a talk-on-tape titled, "Healing the Wounded Soul", by Jack R. Christianson. It took me a moment to recognize the name, but when I did, I realized I had another talk-on-tape by him and that I enjoy listening to his stories and insights. I thanked her for the gifts, and we had a yummy dinner of homemade tacos and rice-krispy treats.
 I truly love spending time with people. I know that as we get older, our ability to enjoy simple moments as these will become more of a challenge, and that these simple moments will be what we crave to experience again.

Fast forward to today. I decided I was going to listen to the talk on my way to work. I figured since my commute to work is almost 40 min one way, I could listen to a big chunk of the talk. The talk is longer than I anticipated. I was able to drive to and from work and then to Costco for gas before I finished. My moment of clarity happened while I was waiting at the red light to turn left onto 3rd west street in downtown Salt Lake City.

Up until this point, brother Christianson mentioned a few times that the purpose of his talk was to testify to his audience that Christ is the ultimate healer. He used a number of Book of Mormon scripture to further testify of this truth. One such scripture he quoted near the end of his talk. He talked about when Christ descended out of heaven after his resurrection and visited the people on the American continent.

At this time in the Book of Mormon the people had just experienced three days of complete darkness after their cities were destroyed by the many tempests. This darkness was not like any other darkness. No light was allowed to exist. No candle, torch or flicker of a flame could be lit. This destruction was prophesied by many, but because of the pride of the people, they did not believe of its coming. Hundreds, maybe even thousands of people were destroyed. If you can imagine with me the kind of mental state one would be in in this situation. People are dead all around. You can hear moaning and wailing from those who are hurt. It is so dark you cannot see what is in front of you. You yourself may be injured. You are scared of what might happen next. On the third day, as the people were talking about what just happened, they heard a noise they had not heard before. They heard this noise again, and because they were unfamiliar with it, they could not identify the source. They heard this noise for the third time and understood it was a voice. 
"And again the third time they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it; and their eyes were towards the sound thereof; and they did look steadfastly towards heaven, from when the sound came" (3 Nephi 11:8). 
When they looked, they recognized the sound and saw "a Man descending out of heaven" (3 Nephi 11:8). This, of course, was Jesus Christ.

What happens next is truly amazing! Christ spends hours with the people. He is talking, teaching, and most importantly loving these people, who just days before were in the grasps of Satan's influence. After a while, Christ prepares to return to Heavenly Father, but He can see in the people's eyes that they were not ready for Him to leave. Christ says He is filled with compassion for them, and then asks this question, "Have ye any that are sick among you?" (3 Nephi 17:7).
This is the question that made me ponder what Brother Christianson was teaching.
I was still waiting in line to get gas when I pictured myself among these people.
I wondered if I would have allowed Christ to heal me.
I wondered if I would have thought I needed to be healed.
I really pondered this and found out that I probably would not have gone up right away. I would have waited for others to go first, and then maybe get in line.
Why?
Do I not believe in the healing powers of Christ? Do I not have a good understanding of Christ's Atonement? Do I lack faith in knowing Christ is always there?
At this point in my thought process I was brought back to reality by the car behind me politely honking, telling me it is my turn to move forward. I got out, got gas, and got back in.
I pressed play and continued to think about this interesting dilemma I found myself in. Although my testimony of these things mentioned above changes in strength, I can not say I have ever doubted Christ; only the strength of my own faith. So why can I see myself denying the invitation to be healed by the ultimate healer, even Jesus Christ?
The answer came immediately. In my imagination there were people more deserving of Christ's healing powers than I. It says in the scriptures there were people suffering from all types of infirmities, and apparently I was not one of them. But then I thought about the real world and how I perceive myself compared to others. I guess you can say it is a humbling trait to allow others to be blessed before yourself.
But with Christ, his love and power is infinite.

Somehow, at some point, I forgot that Christ does not work in the same manner as the world. The world teaches that there is not enough room or man power for every individual to be blessed in this lifetime. Take refugees, for example. Refugees may seek asylum for decades. Unfortunately, many of them do not survive the process. It is then believed that only the lucky ones are granted safety. Another example may come from the business world. The saying, "its a dog eat dog world comes to mind". It insinuates that only the roughest and toughest make it to the top while all others are subject to a lesser way of life. However, in the scriptural story above, Christ is the complete opposite. Christ invites each and every person to feel his scars as a way to prove to them He is the Christ they prophesied about. Although there probably was a literal line of people waiting to see, feel and hear Christ, no one was denied His healing powers. For us, we don't have to wait in a line.
Christ is always waiting for us.
I then wondered if there are other examples of me denying myself the powers of Christ. Sometimes I don't ask for things in prayer because I trick myself into thinking Christ is busy with other people. Sometimes I don't accept the invitation to "come unto Christ" to be healed because I feel inadequate. And other times I just don't realize how much healing I may need.
These excuses sound ridiculous but are so true. Satan's evil influence is all around.
Tonight I learned that I need Christ more than I thought necessary. Tonight, I learned once again that the gospel of Christ is simple. Not easy; simple.
We all need healing. Would you wait in line?

This is my simple testimony of of Jesus Christ and his atonement.