Tonight I realized something about myself I didn't even know was a concern.
It all started a few days back. On Mother's Day to be exact.
A friend of mine invited me to her home for Mother's Day dinner since I don't have any family here to celebrate with in Utah. I drove to her home in Alpine and was greeted by her two energetic dogs, and her mom and dad. After just a few moments of being there, my friend went downstairs to get something. When she came back up, she handed me a small gift bag and explained to me it is my belated birthday gift. She is so good at getting gifts for people, she puts me to shame! I opened it up and found a pair of sunglasses, some candy, a quote block with the saying, "The best views come after the hardest climb", and a c.d.
The c.d is actually a talk-on-tape titled, "Healing the Wounded Soul", by Jack R. Christianson. It took me a moment to recognize the name, but when I did, I realized I had another talk-on-tape by him and that I enjoy listening to his stories and insights. I thanked her for the gifts, and we had a yummy dinner of homemade tacos and rice-krispy treats.
I truly love spending time with people. I know that as we get older, our ability to enjoy simple moments as these will become more of a challenge, and that these simple moments will be what we crave to experience again.
Fast forward to today. I decided I was going to listen to the talk on my way to work. I figured since my commute to work is almost 40 min one way, I could listen to a big chunk of the talk. The talk is longer than I anticipated. I was able to drive to and from work and then to Costco for gas before I finished. My moment of clarity happened while I was waiting at the red light to turn left onto 3rd west street in downtown Salt Lake City.
Up until this point, brother Christianson mentioned a few times that the purpose of his talk was to testify to his audience that Christ is the ultimate healer. He used a number of Book of Mormon scripture to further testify of this truth. One such scripture he quoted near the end of his talk. He talked about when Christ descended out of heaven after his resurrection and visited the people on the American continent.
At this time in the Book of Mormon the people had just experienced three days of complete darkness after their cities were destroyed by the many tempests. This darkness was not like any other darkness. No light was allowed to exist. No candle, torch or flicker of a flame could be lit. This destruction was prophesied by many, but because of the pride of the people, they did not believe of its coming. Hundreds, maybe even thousands of people were destroyed. If you can imagine with me the kind of mental state one would be in in this situation. People are dead all around. You can hear moaning and wailing from those who are hurt. It is so dark you cannot see what is in front of you. You yourself may be injured. You are scared of what might happen next. On the third day, as the people were talking about what just happened, they heard a noise they had not heard before. They heard this noise again, and because they were unfamiliar with it, they could not identify the source. They heard this noise for the third time and understood it was a voice.
"And again the third time they did hear the voice, and did open their ears to hear it; and their eyes were towards the sound thereof; and they did look steadfastly towards heaven, from when the sound came" (3 Nephi 11:8).
When they looked, they recognized the sound and saw "a Man descending out of heaven" (3 Nephi 11:8). This, of course, was Jesus Christ.
What happens next is truly amazing! Christ spends hours with the people. He is talking, teaching, and most importantly loving these people, who just days before were in the grasps of Satan's influence. After a while, Christ prepares to return to Heavenly Father, but He can see in the people's eyes that they were not ready for Him to leave. Christ says He is filled with compassion for them, and then asks this question, "Have ye any that are sick among you?" (3 Nephi 17:7).
This is the question that made me ponder what Brother Christianson was teaching.
I was still waiting in line to get gas when I pictured myself among these people.
I wondered if I would have allowed Christ to heal me.
I wondered if I would have thought I needed to be healed.
I really pondered this and found out that I probably would not have gone up right away. I would have waited for others to go first, and then maybe get in line.
Why?
Do I not believe in the healing powers of Christ? Do I not have a good understanding of Christ's Atonement? Do I lack faith in knowing Christ is always there?
At this point in my thought process I was brought back to reality by the car behind me politely honking, telling me it is my turn to move forward. I got out, got gas, and got back in.
I pressed play and continued to think about this interesting dilemma I found myself in. Although my testimony of these things mentioned above changes in strength, I can not say I have ever doubted Christ; only the strength of my own faith. So why can I see myself denying the invitation to be healed by the ultimate healer, even Jesus Christ?
The answer came immediately. In my imagination there were people more deserving of Christ's healing powers than I. It says in the scriptures there were people suffering from all types of infirmities, and apparently I was not one of them. But then I thought about the real world and how I perceive myself compared to others. I guess you can say it is a humbling trait to allow others to be blessed before yourself.
But with Christ, his love and power is infinite.
Somehow, at some point, I forgot that Christ does not work in the same manner as the world. The world teaches that there is not enough room or man power for every individual to be blessed in this lifetime. Take refugees, for example. Refugees may seek asylum for decades. Unfortunately, many of them do not survive the process. It is then believed that only the lucky ones are granted safety. Another example may come from the business world. The saying, "its a dog eat dog world comes to mind". It insinuates that only the roughest and toughest make it to the top while all others are subject to a lesser way of life. However, in the scriptural story above, Christ is the complete opposite. Christ invites each and every person to feel his scars as a way to prove to them He is the Christ they prophesied about. Although there probably was a literal line of people waiting to see, feel and hear Christ, no one was denied His healing powers. For us, we don't have to wait in a line.
Christ is always waiting for us.
I then wondered if there are other examples of me denying myself the powers of Christ. Sometimes I don't ask for things in prayer because I trick myself into thinking Christ is busy with other people. Sometimes I don't accept the invitation to "come unto Christ" to be healed because I feel inadequate. And other times I just don't realize how much healing I may need.
These excuses sound ridiculous but are so true. Satan's evil influence is all around.
Tonight I learned that I need Christ more than I thought necessary. Tonight, I learned once again that the gospel of Christ is simple. Not easy; simple.
We all need healing. Would you wait in line?
This is my simple testimony of of Jesus Christ and his atonement.
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